Why isn’t my kid playing?

“Why isn’t my kid playing?”  How can coaches address this issue with parents?

PLAYING TIME:  Some parents struggle with it.

How can Parents “come to grips” with a lack of playing time for their child?  How can coaches or Activity Directors discuss playing time with parents?

All too often, we forget about the total value team sports provide our kids. It is so much more than playing in a game on a Friday night.

Competitive team sports are different.

So what can parents do to “Come to Grips” with their child not playing much?

Here are some thoughts…

PARENTS #1:  Accept the Struggle

Sports is all about competition.  This is especially the case at the varsity level.

It is that simple.

You compete with your opponents, you compete with your teammates and you compete with yourself. Competition makes us all better.  Life is about competition, each and every day.

Team sports are about We > Me.

Team sports are about sacrifice, about what is best for the team.

And playing time is always EARNED.  It is earned in practice, in the off-season, and based on the roles the team needs at the time to be successful.  Most kids know this.  You earn playing time by:

• Being trustworthy
• Being the hardest worker on the team
• Filling a role the team needs
• Doing the little things
• Leading by example
• Making the hustle plays
• Encouraging teammates
• Making others around you better
• Doing the “one more” thing your team needs
• Being a winner

But again, playing time is not everything.  Team sports are much more than that.

The joy of team sports is in the process, the fight, and the struggle.  It is not a shiny trophy or medal in the end.  That doesn’t last.

So rule #1 for Parents is to NOT fight against the struggle. Accept the struggle. Know that team sports will always have struggles.

I do not care how successful a team is, there will be challenges and struggles along the way.  There may be team drama, injuries, bantering, poor decisions, lack of commitment, and more.

This is what Team Sports are all about. And that is OK.  It is also what life is all about.

PARENTS #2:  It is your child’s struggle, not yours.

Always remember this about sports.

It is your CHILD’s:

• Experience
• Struggle
• Game
• Challenge
• Fight
• Courage
• Tenacity

It is not yours.

All too often, parents get caught up in the middle of the struggle. Or they make the struggle their struggle.

Too often, parents use their child’s experience to relive their own failed athletic experience.

Too often, when a child comes home and vents to their parents, the parents feel obligated to try and solve the struggle for their son or daughter.

Or too often, a parent is so focused on playing time that this is what the child believes is at the center of the parent-child relationship.

Parents of Athletes:

Make sure your child knows:

• Your relationship with them is not centered on their playing time.
• Your relationship with them is not centered on their performance.
• You do support them no matter what.
• You love them no matter what.

Parents, make sure the relationship with your child is not centered on playing time.

Parents, always remember that is your child’s experience and your role is help “guide” them through the struggles and joys that come from this experience. You are really teaching them how to handle life.

How you guide them through the struggle of a season will probably be the same way you guide them through a struggle in their personal life in 10-15 years.

Parents Rule #2:  Support, Cheer, and Encourage your child but do not cross the line. Always remember it is their experience, not yours.

PARENTS #3: The struggle is not the enemy

The struggle is how your child becomes resilient & strong. Adversity makes us better. Do not be a snowplow parent = clear a path in front of your child so they never face adversity. What happens when they hit the real world?

The struggle never ends.

Post high school, the struggle gets far more serious:

• Jobs / Career
• Relationships
• Health Issues
• Finances
• Loss

Your child will be much better prepared for these struggles in life.

And parents…..when you look back to see how your child handled those struggles, you will know the lessons learned through team sports had a huge impact and positive influence on them.

Parents Rule #3: The struggle is not the enemy. Accept it.

Remember:  Team sports teach about LIFE! Team sports are the ultimate lab setting for the many challenges kids will face in adulthood.